Souper
by Kirke
Summary: ArthurZaphod slash. Zaphod is cooking, Ford is stunned, Marvin is depressed and Arthur is clueless.


**Title:** Souper

**Author:** Kirke

**Ratings:** NC-13

**Disclaimers:** Mine? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, good one…

**Words count:** 1617. Ha!

**Pairing:** Zaphod/Arthur

**Notes:** Since I L.O.V.E Sam Rockwell and his portrayal of Zaphod, this clearly is a movieverse, so, people, one head visible! Yeah, I know, a blasphemy, burn that witch:P The title stolen shamelessly from _Red Dwarf_

This is the answer to the Zaphod/Arthur food challenge made on zaphodarthur LJcom.

SOUPER

Ford Prefect, as any Good Galactic Hitchhiker TM, had seen many weird things in his life, some of them rather entertaining, some of them fairly terrifying but he wasn't sure if anything could compare to the sight that met him when he strolled into Heart of Gold's kitchen one morning.

Not only Zaphod was already there, creepily cheerful if the tune he was humming could be any indication but also, Zarquon help us all, quite obviously cooking.

Ford blinked once, then again, just to be sure, attempting to figure out who had engaged the Improbability Drive and why wasn't he informed. He stayed still for a minute, trying to determine whether to enter or leave Zaphod to his evident madness, when his semi-cousin turned his head and flashed him a smile "Hi man. Nutri-Matic will be all yours in just few minutes, I'm almost done."

"Zaphod…" he begun carefully "what are you almost done with?"

"And what do you think? I'm cooking some soup." he opened his mouth to add something (probably something unrelated) to his statement but the whateveritwas in his pot made an odd popping sound and Zaphod turned his head, his semi-cousin already forgotten.

Ford sighed impatiently. He wasn't particularly hungry so he was in no hurry to get his hands on the bloody machine but Zaphod definitely poked his curiosity and when he was curious, he demanded some answers. Since he had some experience with asking questions (after all he flew through the entire galaxy searching for one) he decided to use all his knowledge in creating a question even Zaphod would be unable to resist.

"Why?"

Zaphod shrugged "Well, you do know how Arthur is when he gets into one of those I-miss-home moods of his." Ford could only nod. Despite the fact that the earthman had solemnly pledged to be daring and adventurous (and uncomplaining) in discovering the Universe's most secret mysteries, he still could talk about some stuff in that particular way of his. It wasn't exactly whining but it was as close to whining as it could be, without actually being it. When Arthur had been with Trillian, she was at the receiving end of those regular rants but after they broke up this honour had been transferred to Ford - The Best Friend. Betelgeusian's memory was still haunted by the reminiscences of those long talks about home, tea, Earth, tea and, of course, tea. Fortunately for everyone (and following the events still neither Zaphod or Arthur spoke about) the galactic president had decided to seduce (as Zaphod claimed) or woo (as Arthur put it) the earthman and therefore, put Ford out of his misery.

Their relationship was a bit of a 'huh?' for everyone, but no one had said anything particularly callous… perhaps except Trillian, who made few offhand comments about Zaphod's need for someone more playful, Ford, who had chosen a very bad moment to inform Arthur about all the hearts Zaphod had carelessly broken in the past and Marvin, who decided that all peachy but he'd be the one cleaning the blood after they kill each other.

Nonetheless, four months later and the couple still spent every available night together, proving once again, that opposites in fact attracted (or, as some claimed: sex is better than no sex)

For one, Zaphod turned out to be a perfect audience – he was so self absorbed that he actually could listen all day to Arthur's whinging but don't acknowledge any of it and therefore, don't mind it at all. Arthur was happy because he had a willing ear to grumble to and Zaphod was happy because the earthman had a set of everything right where it should be.

Ford stopped his musings when he heard that his semi-cousin had decided to complete his statement this time "He had complained all evening that he didn't eat his aunt's chicken soup in ages, so I thought 'why not cook him some?'"

"Ah! So you're cooking a chicken soup. For Arthur." Ford acclaimed, pleased. This, after all, started to make sense. Not much sense but since in his world 'sense' was a rather rare item, he was always grateful when he saw even a glimpse of it.

His moment of triumph had been cut short when he noticed that Zaphod cleared his throat and shot him a somewhat guilty look "Um, no, actually. See, I have no idea what the hell is that 'chicken' stuff but it's a soup, obviously, so I thought that since a soup is a soup, I'd cook something similar."

Ford nodded and for a minute or two observed how Zaphod stirred and seasoned his culinary experiment. He finally called his courage and approached his cousin cautiously, still not quite sure was it safe. Knowing Zaphod and their zarking luck, the contents of the pot could became sentient any minute now and attack them brutally. He took a long sniff, breathing with relieve when it turned out that the fumes didn't appear to be toxic.

Wait a minute… he knew that smell… he glanced into the pot to see the reddish liquid inside, realizing that his suspicious turned out to be right. A wide, beaming smile spread on Ford's face and his eyes glazed. He clamped an arm around Zaphod's shoulders and squeezed tightly "Aaaaaw… I didn't know it's this serious! Congratulations!"

Zaphod didn't answer. Actually, he appeared to not hear or even acknowledge his semi-cousin's presence at all, which was rather hard considering that the said cousin was rather tightly pressed to him. If Ford didn't know better he'd say that the galactic president looked uncertain. "You know what you're cooking, right?" he asked just in case.

The former president rolled his eyes, bemused by his cousin apparent idiocy "Well, duuuuuuh, a soup, remember? For Monkeyman."

One of Ford's eyebrows rose in surprise and he let go of Zaphod's shoulders "It's gorgafrinch and it's for Arthur!" he cried out, outraged. Now, he knew very well that Zaphod wasn't the brightest crayon in the box but he refused to believe that even he could not realize what was he cooking.

Zaphod shifted his gaze from the pot to his semi-cousin back onto the pot again and the corners of his mouth twitched in the way they always did when their owner felt unsure. "That's the only thing I know how to cook" he admitted finally "Besides, he's a human, he wouldn't understand and isn't that you that keeps reminding me that he's your friend and I should be nice to him or else?" he pointed out.

"Yes but I never forced you to make a gorgafrinch for him!" Ford flipped his arms nervously. He regretted that he hadn't taken the towel with him, he'd feel much better if he had it in such crucial situation "It's tradition! It's sacred! It's just not right, man." Ford rarely ever allowed himself for any kind of outburst but this was no ordinary situation. Some things just weren't right and giving a gorgafrinch without meaning it, even to someone who hadn't had a slightest idea what it meant, was definitely on the list.

The little wheels in Zaphod's brain shifted few times, trying go come up with any sort of reply. He knew that Ford was right but only yesterday it had seemed like such a great idea. He even made sure to wear out Arthur (not that the earthman minded!) so he wouldn't wake up too early and spoil the surprise. After all a gorgafrinch should always be prepared unexpectedly, that was a part of the tradition, just like…

"Maybe…" he understood suddenly, the effort he put into that single thought wrinkling his otherwise perfect forehead "maybe I do mean it, then." He grinned insanely, all pieces of the puzzle falling into place "Yes! I do mean it!"

Ford wept.

Arthur ate silently, aware of the preying eyes upon him. The whole morning had been quite spectacular, first Zaphod woke him up just to bonk him stupidly (not that he minded!), then Ford dragged him of the bed, sat at the table and practically forced a spoon into his hand. Now both cousins stood at the far end of the room, watching him anxiously. He wasn't sure what to made of it… was it some sort of weird experiment, were they checking if the soup was safe, or perhaps was this another fine example that Betelgeusians were in fact very different? He didn't know but decided to eat what was given and don't panic. In the end the soup wasn't that bad after all.

Finally, the last spoonful had disappeared and he breathed with relief. Perhaps now he'd find out what was going on. "I've finished." He stated, somehow feeling that this was the right thing to do. Seeing that it caused no reaction from the two men he decided to add "It was good."

Ford squealed and started to chew on his towel, something he did only in the moments of the greatest tension. Zaphod approached the earthman slowly, took his right hand into his and placed a slow, tender kiss at the centre of his palm.

Arthur's eyes widened "What…" but his question was stopped, when just a second later he realized that he had an armful of sobbing Ford "Now we will be a family!" he cried out, practically suffocating the younger man.

If his ears weren't filled with the sounds of his hysterical best friend, Arthur would probably hear a comment made somewhere in the back by a very depressed robot.

"Oh great" muttered Marvin "and who's going to be the one organizing the wedding? Me of course. Not a moment of peace around this place…"

the end :P


End file.
